How do I take the awkwardness out of negotiating with friends?

Occasionally I'll find myself selling personal items to friends, whether an old iPhone or an expensive piece of art.  I want to get a good price, but it feels awkward to haggle with friends.  How do I negotiate a fair price without looking like the bad guy?

This is a classic negotiation problem: you want communicate your offer (or counteroffer), but you do not want to damage your relationship.  Too often, sellers will make statements like this one: “I would ask $1000, but for a friend, I’ll take $900.”  Wrong!  As counterintuitive as it may sound, the best way to maintain a friendly negotiation is to keep your friendship out of it.  Instead, focus on the facts, not feelings.

For example, consider your old iPhone.  You can easily check completed sales on eBay to show what ubiquitous devices like iPhones have recently sold for (but be sure to take quality into account).  When your friend asks your price, cite this as evidence for why you selected your selling price.  Collectibles like artwork are harder but the same principles apply.  Appraisers of collectibles base their figure on what similar items have sold for recently in the market.  For example, art appraisers can tell you what price range similar works from the same artists typically have sold for, taking into account size and rarity.  We could spend far longer talking about how to establish your price, but the key is to do so logically and transparently.  If the buyer wishes to dispute the price, the dispute is over the facts and logic, not the value of the friendship.

Even if you’re willing to give the friend a better deal because of your history, always choose a price point with some logic behind it.  For example, do not say: “I could get $100 for this iPhone online, but for an old friend, how about $80.”  Why is your friendship worth only $20 off and not $40?  Yikes.  Instead, try: “I could get $100 for this online, but it would be worth $20 to me if I could sell to you and avoid all that hassle.”

People often think of negotiations like poker, where you hide your cards and watch for any signs of a bluff, but in negotiations, facts are in everyone’s interests.  A buyer given facts behind an offer is more likely to think the offer is fair, and therefore more likely to think the seller is fair.  In other words, by focusing on the facts, you might just save the friendship.